Just nice things, vol. 1
"Legend says that whoever is bitten by Nic Cage and lives becomes a Nic Cage themselves..."
Hey guys: do you need a break from reading about politics and Internet controversies and THE DISCOURSE?
Me too! Introducing JUST NICE THINGS, a maybe recurring feature! Read to the end for pictures of a weird pen!
Nice thing #1: A book about Nicolas Cage biting people to make more Nicolas Cages!
Werecage, by Ian Fortey. On Amazon here.
From the back cover:
Legend says that whoever is bitten by Nic Cage and lives becomes a Nic Cage themselves...
Stanley Miller got bit by Nic Cage in the park. Things got worse from there. If his roommate Cameron and Wilford Brimley are to be believed, the world is now on a fast track to the apocalypse. Unless Stanley can save it. When the moon rises, Stanley feels the change overcome him and Nicolas Cage takes over.
With the first Cage still out there, turning more and more people into raving, angry, Hollywood action stars, can Stanley use his tenuous grasp on his own sense of self to track the source of the infection and stop it once and for all? Or are we all destined to fall victim to the curse?
Here is the author:
That is his official author photo. He also wrote a different book that he describes as “You know the band EVE6? Ever wondered what would happen if they were velociraptors? Wonder no more."
He is my hero.
I read Werecage two years ago; I found it because Fortey also writes in one of my preferred genres, “action story where a retired soldier punches ghosts.” Here’s what I remember: it’s a ~90-page novella built entirely around the joke of Nic Cage biting people and turning them into more Nic Cages—so, it’s exactly what it promises. You already know if this is for you or not.
Nice thing #2: A fun TV show with zero downer episodes!
Great News. Available for purchase, but if you wait like a month it’ll probably be streaming again on Prime, Netflix, or Peacock—and in the meantime, there are a bunch of clips on YouTube.
Created by 30 Rock writer Tracey Wigfield, it’s an absurdist workplace comedy from the era when a “comedy” show would be made entirely of comedic episodes, not a 1:1 ratio of comedy to super downer drama stuff.
It stars many people you know. Here is a particularly good Nicole Richie scene.
It had a 23-episode run, all of which are good. We bought both seasons so we can just watch them whenever we need a palate cleanser.
Nice thing #3: A cool niche dinosaur!
The glyptodon! So niche that it’s not actually a dinosaur, the glyptodon is basically The Meg of armadillos. “It shares genetic material with the common sloth and an Abrams tank,” he said with the smug confidence of an internet dinosaurologist.
Here is a model of one that I have had for probably 35 years. It is a very satisfying paperweight.
I also thought I took a picture of one of their skeletons at a museum in Vienna or London, but I can’t find it on my phone. But I did spend like 15 minutes looking for it, and that should make you feel good!
Nice thing #4: A fun science fact!
FACT: Your light fixtures are not supposed to have water coming out of them. If it starts raining in your living room from a light fixture, that is a problem. Now you know!
BONUS FACT: If you have to fill your house up with huge dehumidifiers and fans because a bad ice storm made your roof leak, the resulting change in your house’s air pressure will also make your fountain pens leak a little, like you were on an airplane.1 Yikes!
Nice thing #5: A weird pen!
Finally: This is the Visconti Iopenna, a pen deemed TOO CONTROVERSIAL for American audiences.
No joke, my wife had to order it from the Netherlands.2 The American market cannot handle a pen this floppy.
It comes in this hard-shell, J-shaped case for convenient transport. As a bonus, you can use the case as a cane, as long as you are badger-sized.
Critically, the pen has a face on it.
The nib is steel and writes well with some flex. 10/10 strong recommend for everyday use.
Okay, that’s it! See you next time!
this was possibly just a strange coincidence. Also this explains why we’re doing a listicle this week.
very excellent customer service from Appelboom.
Started following this substack a while ago for the pens. But had to comment for the first time because I LOVE “Great News” too! Gutted it was only two seasons. I also recommend Galavant if you can find it anywhere. Best. Show. Ever.
Is that Visconti a safety option for folks that poke themselves in the eye with the barrel of a pen too much? Alternately, we could just say "Italian design" and be done.