This very fat pen will make all your dreams come true
made of the highest quantity resin
Are you worried about the direction things are headed in the world? Do you feel as if you are constantly fighting a persistent unease that your dreams are drifting further out of reach? And do all of your dreams specifically center on owning a really fat pocket pen?
Sure! It’s only normal. And don’t worry: you can finally get exactly what you deserve with the Attila, by Jean-Pierre Lepine.
The Attila is the perfect pen for when the world is spinning out of control and the only way to bring things back to normal is by owning a really fat pen. It offers total peace of mind in a convenient, girthy size.
It does for pocket writing what the Slap Chop did for food preparation. And you need that, because life is hard enough as it is and you don’t want to cry anymore.
The Attila is made of the highest quantity resin, each pen being meticulously handcrafted by melting down a crate of Kaweco Sports with an arc welder. The resulting heft will remind you that everything is okay because you have a really fat pen.
It has a full-sized steel nib, unlike most pocket pens. This is critical because it lets you write in uppercase and that’s how people know you are screaming.
The nib kind of works out of the box. After a half-hour or so of tinkering—during which time you will feel no existential dread because your energy will be focused entirely on your fat little pen—it will write very well.
Of course, it is not perfect. It does not have a clip and can roll away easily. Additionally, if you drop it on the ground it can shatter concrete, and then your city will be like “sir you have to pay for the sidewalk repair” and then that turns into a whole thing because most municipalities do not accept fat pens as payment.
In sum, in times like these it is natural to feel some unease and anxiety. Will your 401k recover? What will the new world order look like? Will you ever own a comically fat pocket pen? With an Attila, you can put at least two of these questions to bed.
OTHER STUFF
REVIEW TRACKER UPDATE!! Hey great news, it’s April and I’ve already reviewed TWO of the pens I originally teased in January before getting distracted with a bunch of other stuff I wanted to write about instead.
Here’s the review of the Italian shark pen/wrinkly pen in case you missed it. It’s written in the same universe as my novel, in which a dictator starts his own detective agency.
Which leads to…
NOVEL UPDATE!! Editing is done and I’m headed into proofing, then we’re off to typesetting. Cover reveal will come pretty soon, too, and I’ll probably do a post explaining how that came about as it went through many designs.
I know that basically everyone who reads a pen blog is a writer, so feel free to let me know any part of the production process that you want to hear about in the comments—either because you haven’t done it before or because you want to be amused at watching a first-timer struggle through it.
Congratulations on the book! Nice pen.