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The Montegrappa Skulls and Roses is the best pen for managing your midlife crisis via pen
IS THIS ALL THERE IS??
It has happened: you are middle-aged.
When did it happen? You don’t know exactly, but at some point you realized that no one cards you at the grocery store and the baristas at your local coffee shop call you “sir” and the mere act of standing hurts your stupid back. Each of these can be explained away in isolation, but together they say You Are Old.
Yes: you are no longer thirtysomething and the novelty of telling people “I can’t believe I’m actually 40 I’m so old LOL!” has worn off because, as you conveniently keep forgetting, that happened two years ago and you really need to stop saying it.
You are Old.
Or, more accurately, you are Old in the sense that young people think of Being Old, which is what you also thought because you were, until recently, a young person. You are now realizing this way of thinking was probably a little limited at the same time you are realizing that no one cares what you think because you’ve aged out of the demographic that marketers care about.
(Unless they are selling you a box that you poop in for colon cancer screening. When did all of your targeted ads turn into that? What did you search for? How do you get back to getting ads for Primal Rage Energy Drink and Xtreme Lunchables with a Tony Hawk Super Kickflip pudding cup? Are those even real products? Why can’t you stream reruns of NCIS without having to sit through pharmaceutical ads that treat body parts you want to go back to being unaware of—oh, wait, you hear it now.)
The good news is that middle age has come with more financial security, enough to be used to buy something to commemorate a major accomplishment. Maybe you were just promoted to partner, or your business has done well, or you managed to touch your toes after only fourteen physical therapy sessions—the reasons are endless, and all of them well-suited for using some kind of physical acquisition to scream I AM STILL ALIVE.
And there is simply no better acquisition for this purpose than the Montegrappa Skulls and Roses fountain pen.
Of course, the typical midlife-crisis purchase involves an element of denial about the fact that you are aging in the form of a sports car, leather jacket, or dumb haircut which at best works for a little before being embarrassing and at worst is immediately super embarrassing.
The Skulls and Roses, however, takes another approach: wholeheartedly embracing your long wait for death in the back half of life, the entire time of which you are doomed to be Not Cool, or at absolute best Kinda Cool (For An Old Person). It’s covered in memento mori imagery, reminding you that yes, you are only at the halfway point of life, but also yes, the finish line is death.
The Skull and Roses is a limited edition built on the body of the Montegrappa Extra, a wonderful medium-sized body and also a very appropriate name for the body of this particular pen. It is a piston filler that has makes a soft ticking sound as you turn the knob, which is both a satisfying sensory experience and a nice reminder that time is slipping away and whoops you wasted a lot of it playing World of Warcraft.
The pen is made of solid silver, the perfect material for celebrating your middle-aged milestone event or accomplishment as well as a way to hold onto your childhood dream of growing up, discovering vampires are real, and becoming your generation’s Van Helsing. At your age you are now reasonably certain this is not going to occur, but if so you’ll be ready. Also, it’s really heavy.
The nib is 18k gold, available in a variety of widths (shown here in, of course, extra fine). It is finished with another skull, which you find increasingly resembles your own face as you become painfully aware of aging and also how much anyone under the age of 30 looks like a baby to you with their stupid smooth face and perfect hairline.
But look: stay positive! You’re only at the halfway mark, and since the first half was filled with all the awkward parts of being a child and adolescent you have a lot to look forward to, as long as all of those things involve getting home by nine PM. And more importantly, you now have the Montegrappa Skulls and Roses, a glorious pen to accompany you on the latter half of the journey while constantly reminding you of the destination.
Your Turn: Discussion Questions
Have you thought about moving to France? They’re pretty cool about aging there.
What other pen screams “I am going through some things” to you?
Isn’t stretching the worst? Stupid back.